Oh ye of little faith. That’s where I am lately. I still believe and trust in God, but I am questioning things. I have been dealing with an elongated uvula (the hanging grape thing at back of throat) for a few months. It makes me choke – not just during sleep – but now during waking hours. It’s a terrifying experience and I am adjusting. But -that’s the deal. I don’t want to adjust to it – I want to quit choking! I went forward for prayer at a local church and the kind couple prayed sweetly for me and offered a word of encouragement believing I was under a spiritual attack of some kind dealing with my voice. Well – maybe. They implied that I need to stand for truth when others come against me and essentially raise my voice. At first I could not put a finger on a specific time, then my family reminded me of the stress I’ve felt at work all year. Guess that could be a factor. The choking did come out of the blue, no pre-cursor warnings of any kind. I can see that – so I prayed. Meditated on the scripture they suggested. Here’s the deal. I don’t believe we can, nor should we treat God like a magic pill or His word as a magic spell to ward away bad things in our life. The word does bring clarity, revelation and healing. Yet – all the prayer, reading, etc., brought no permanent or significant change in my condition. Does that mean I lack faith? Some circles would certainly put the blame on me. I know that all too well. So – what do they do with people like Job? Certainly wasn’t his lack of faith that caused the calamity heaped upon him. Or the man cried out to Jesus saying I do believe, help my unbelief.
I am not saying God does not heal supernaturally. I know for a fact that is true. Yet sometimes He moves through talented hands of doctors, I believe bestowed upon by God as a talent, to heal people. So, I went to my ENT again today after experiencing a choking episode while reading a book – sitting upright – wide awake. So sleep apnea cannot be problem. She said it could still be acid reflux, but the elongated condition will not change without surgery to shorten it. So – there’s the deal. I go in for surgery a couple of weeks from now. Does that mean the words spoken were false? That’s a tough call. I would almost say – yes because nothing happened. Is it God’s fault? Absolutely not! I just sometimes think we offer words of encouragement to help people “feel” emotionally better and treat it as a word from God. Do I go back and tell people they were wrong? I probably should because I would want that if I gave what I thought was a “word from God” and it missed. Yet – we don’t want to offend people, so who knows. The whole situation is disheartening to a degree; however, I am constantly reminded of His sovereignty. We can pray all day and all night for answers or healing. God is sovereign and chooses the outcome. In the meantime, God help me have faith and continue to give me your wisdom in this trial.